winter

The cold rain crying on
the window shield with wipers
smells so lonely.

The inky black void above
blotting stars and obscuring moon
looks so lonely.

The frost on the ground and
the crunch under feet
sounds so lonely.

The freezing air deep in
my lungs with trembling breaths
feels so lonely.

Winter, you know how to
make a woman want to
not be alone and lonely.

your face before dawn

My dreams are innocent things –
your arm around me is all I need.
your hand in mine says everything.

Then as I wake up
the next moments shake up
the image gradually -
etch-a-sketch visions
can’t survive reality.

My dreams of late are bittersweet:
sweet that I’m with you,
bitter that they’re not true.

I’m not sure what I want now,
but this nothing’s too much.
I’m not sure what I need now,
but this whatever just sucks.

I wake up to my present reality:
empty lungs craving nicotine,
empty space lacking gravity.
I don’t miss the habit, but I miss our past.
I don’t miss the orbit, but I miss your mass.

Bread tastes the sweetest when it flakes.
The heart always soars before it breaks.
It feels good to see your face before dawn,
even though I know it’s time to move on.

pillar of fire, pillar of cloud

You are my pillar of fire
by night, keeping me warm
my guiding light.
You are my pillar of cloud
by day, giving me shade
you show me the way.
Maybe my will to follow
you is anti-feminist
or semi-idolatrous.
But how can I ignore
your light that is so humble
and yet so bright?
Your communal fire
burns for me and yearns to be
closer. Your cloud precipitates
the particles of my desires -
dew drops and sweat blend
on my skin. How can I deny
your shade that hears what I say
and shows me the way to go
together?

melt me

*Note: This is one of my very first poems. It's still one of my favorites. Since most of my love poetry is about the unrequited sort, I thought I'd post something different in honor of Valentine's Day.

When I get all frozen up and
Iced over, you take me
Out of my self-constructed freezer.
Sometimes I begin to think that the freezer
Is where I belong.
Is my life.
But you take me out,
Comfort and cradle my cold face.
                                         hands.
                                         feet.
                                         heart.
You know that being frozen can hurt.
You don't scald me right away but
Carefully,
               gently,
                           patiently
Melt me
And lay me out to dry.

permanently

Loving you
has left its mark
on me, your face
on my heart, deep.

Loving me
has left its mark
on him, my name
on his palm, permanently.

Loving you
changes me
changes you
loving me
making marks
on our identities
loving, deep
marking, permanently.

My deep, a drop
in his eternity...
individually, collectively
on his palm, permanently.

ax-wielder

I, like a vine
grew up around your
strong, tall frame
imagining myself
too fragile, too delicate
to spring up
strong and tall like
you - it's true, my
tendrils entangled you
so you hired someone
to cut me through
pruned with other
dead and dying branches
and piled yonder
to burn. But
through the flame
in spite of the pain
something new was born
ashes feeding earth
outstretched wings
carry me, freer now
than ever I was
and I have you
and your ax-wielder
to thank.

I will always remember
what I learned as I clung
to you, but now I'm soaring
the skies, searching for
another of my own kind.

a divine secret, a holy joke

God is love.
When we act in love, we are fulfilling
God’s perfect will.
Love is a personality - God’s.
Love can be happy
or it can be sad.
Love sometimes gets angry even
But love can never be bad.
God really is good, it’s true.
Good means something - true love.
Unchangeable, it holds all things together.
And when we’re walking in love,
there is no place in the universe where
we don’t belong.
And yet we don’t belong anywhere
in any confining sense because
Love is always on the move.
There is so much freedom in love
that it’s almost scary.
And everyone is invited, continually.
You just have to leave your hate outside.
It’s a divine secret, a holy joke -
everyone is invited, continually.
And this God of Love isn’t “somewhere else…”
God is closer than your breath
the Mystery that bonds the cells
the Truth behind the veil.
And this Spirit says, “You are mine,
and all I have is yours.”
It’s a divine secret, a holy joke -
I am God’s, and all God has is mine -
yours, mine, and everyone’s.
All of us are continually lost and then found.
All of us are continually dead then alive.
All of us are continually enemies then friends.
We have all been saved.
Some of us just don’t know it yet.
It’s a divine secret, a holy joke -
we are all saved. Each and every one.
And there’s so much freedom in love
that it’s almost scary.
But the reassuring fact is that
God loves us. Each and every one.
And that love never changes.
It can be happy or sad or angry or lonely
but it never ever changes.
It can be shouting or laughing or completely silent
but is never ever changes.
And the scary yet reassuring fact is that
the nearness of this Love gives
everything an eternal meaning -
the joy, the pain, even the mundane,
everything has a purpose
and there’s nowhere we can go
and nothing we can do
that will ever, ever change that love.
It’s not just a force.
It’s a personality.
And that God, the only one that’s real and good,
that God loves you.