lovely for you

This city (a small town, really)
with the tall trees calling me
drawing me here over years, yes, years
of calling, me not knowing what
this place had in store but
you've restored me here, and
here I am while the waters are
flowing, reflections are showing me
who I am today. And I pray
Lord, let me make a difference here,
and let here make a difference on me.

Pieces that pulled me apart were
pulling me here and
pulling me near to you, I see
clearly now in this sky blue view that
you knew me, truly, all along. And my song is
Lord, let me make a difference here,
and let here make a difference on me.

The stars tell the story of my journey, and
my soul is being made whole, re-made with all
the pieces back in place in ways I forgot to fit
together in the stormy weather. I never noticed
"lonely" and "lovely" are only one letter apart.
Said I never noticed that
"lonely" and "lovely" are only one letter apart.

And my heart you've been integrating the
disintegrated fragments I feared had dissolved.
Turn my "n's" into "v's" and Lord
let me be lovely for you. You've
turned my "n's" into "v's" and
recreated me lovely for you, restored me, brand new,
free and complete. And my heart beat repeats,
Lord, let me make a difference here,
and let here make a difference on me. Said,
Lord, let me make a difference here,
and let here make a difference on me. Please,
let me make a difference here,
and make me who I'm purposed to be, I plead,
Make me who I'm purposed to be.

Sonnet for Emilia

“As Desdemona takes her final breath,
I cry out as by shock and grief I’m wracked -
I, Emilia, rage at my mistress’ death.
With fiery tongue, I scathe Othello’s act.
His weapon turns on me, in his gripped hand,
For proving that my friend was not a whore -
Now fearlessly defiant will I stand
For her pure soul, for appetites before.
Yet horror grips me when I’m made to see
That cursed handkerchief I can’t give back -
That was the role I played in Iago’s scheme.
I’ll do my damnedest to set things on track.”
Nevermore to do her husband’s bidding,
Dies at his hand, to her dear friend lies singing.

(Since this was for a creative project assignment in my Shakespeare class, I'll also include my write up, in case you're interested:) While I enjoy trying my hand at all kinds of artistic skills, I identify as a poet more than anything else. I first studied sonnets when I was in middle school, but I didn’t get so much out of them then; they seemed stuffy, rigid, obsolete. Honestly, this semester was the first time it clicked just how beautiful and powerful Shakespeare’s sonnets are. My own writing consists mostly of free verse or some kind of pattern of my own design, so I thought writing a sonnet would be a fun challenge. I chose to write a sonnet for Emilia because she is my favorite character of all of the plays we read. There are other more complex characters or funnier characters, but Emilia is the one I identify with the most due to her fierce loyalty that is sometimes compromised by her desire to please everyone. I love the parts where she stands up for women in general, and then for Desdemona in particular, but I also sympathize with her betrayal with the handkerchief. I tried to pack a lot into this one sonnet, so I hope it is successful. I wrote a first draft as it came to me one night when I was trying to sleep, but later noticed that my rhyme scheme was incorrect; it was a little tricky to fix, but I think it still works. I liked the idea of letting Emilia speak for herself, but I thought the concluding couplet would be better spoken by a different narrator, so I put the bulk of the sonnet in quotes. In a way I’m responding to Sir Thomas Wyatt the Elder’s “Whoso List To Hunt” by this reversal - in his sonnet, the quoted portion is the couplet, and the words are not even the woman/hind’s own voice. I also tried to only break the iambic pentameter when it would make sense for emphasis.

first song posts

So I am quite sure that once upon a time one could post videos to blogger... maybe I'm wrong, or maybe they've downgraded, but in any case, I finally got around to recording a couple of songs. I realized I should probably just upload the ones I already had recorded too, but I'll do that another day. Here are a couple of youtube links:

hold on to your belief

i am changing, always the same

on sleeping bags in the sand

The stars like sparks ignite our dreams
but the full moon shines on our insecurities -
we huddle around the fire to stay warm
rubbing each other's hands
the friction echoing in the canyon surrounding us.

All of the grand romantic gestures come down to this:
a rational discussion
a grown up decision
a business transaction
that, thankfully, in our place and time, is truly ours to make.
Can we take care of each other?
Do our lives line up
like the matching salt and pepper shakers
that someone will buy us
from our hypothetical registry?
Living life together is
mysterious, grand,
and yet so down to earth

like we are here
sitting cross-legged by the fire
on sleeping bags in the sand.

blood moon night

Blood moon night
Bringing in the blood-soaked holiday
Bathing in clear water
Bending knees so ears stay under
Beating heart pulse faster
Beloved, I am - touching, stroking, fingering
Between legs, breasts
Bulges, bumps, blisters
Baby, I am - reborn in the tub’s receding waters
Blood and water flow
Blessed, cursed, down here below.

mosquito song

I puncture your skin
you welcome me in
you scratch the itch of
my presence on your skin
despite the discomfort
inviting me to exchange
bodily fluids with you
my bite changing your skin’s hue
filling me with red juice
from your veins so blue
you don’t shoo me away
you bid me to stay
born in the mud
water and earth
begetting my birth
I wake with a thirst
for blood.
My probe I hide in you
my mouth inside of you
sucking your sweetness
that never runs dry.
I am so small
but you see me
on your skin
scratching the itch
of my memory within
amused and not irritated
you welcome me in
and I finally begin
to see that you love me.
Your blood cures my disease
immune to the hideous things
I harbor.
I punctured your skin
I needed to try you
to know that you truly
want me inside you.

this small sacrifice

Your domino, diving
off the bridge into
perilous, white waters,
became my lost, lonely domino's
salvation, flotation device.

This small sacrifice
and your shy smile
show me just how much
you care.