warm summer rain

*brief note: I have been writing a lot lately, but none ready for publishing, even on a little blog like this. So I've been going back in time a bit for you, still relevant to today. This one is certainly not seasonal, but still reflective of what's been on my mind. Thank you for reading as always. Peace and love to you this new year!

California’s summer sunshine parade
of endless dry hot summer days
perfect for spending at the river or lake
and I sure am happy here...
when suddenly surprising me
covered in coffee grounds and cream cheese
is that really what I think I see?
sunny blue sky speckled cumulus-ly
and oh my! it is! a warm summer rain!
before I have time to hesitate
I burst out the back door of the café
and feel drops on my face
my eyes echo warm drops afresh
washing away the rain in turn
washing away the tears springing
from eyes that have seen
this wonder before, long ago
kissing my teenage beau
and further back washing the sidewalk chalk away
my face feels the memories
my clothes wet from this message of home
sent from above clouds filled with love
I never noticed I missed it so much.

head v. heart

Not the first time you’ve answered this way
conveniently clear, yet cutting me so.
I am blessed to be broken.
Vocalizing desire denotes vulnerability
even if it’s only inside.
My heart whispers through my eyes.
My smile spills secrets to anyone who really knows me,
at least.

Ears ringing with the raised voices of head v. heart –
even when two strikes are called by the umpire of ultimatums
the upcoming pitch holds so much hope I can’t help but blur my convictions.
Home run takes on whole new connotations,
the potential of building a home, with you.
Serendipity becomes Providence in my imagination.
I can make a reason for most anyone my heart fancies, a book of reasons
why we’re meant to be.
Yet here again I see that as soon as I unearth the chest of treasured dreams,
I find it empty. Someone else was here before me.
Ashamed of my feelings, tears stinging the very eyes that betrayed me,
pulling down the corners of that once-shouting smile.
Well, this is what I prayed for, intervention.
I just wish I didn’t always end up
alone.

Broken hearts trump other tragedies, no matter the magnitude.
And when it really comes down to it, I just want to
read, write,
teach, learn,
give, grow,
travel, abide,
make music, and fall in love, reciprocally.
Is that too much to ask?
Not here, you say, not now.
But where, I ask, and when?

Silence.

It’s a fucking mess.
But the Spirit still hovers over the chaotic waters of my soul.

hold on to your belief

Another new song. I'll try to get the music up here sometime soon.

I am a fighter
A warrior of peace
Everything in me is expecting some release

I am an artist
I am a beauty queen
I am everything I need to be

I am wanted
I am loved
I am guided and directed from above

You are much higher
But you are my friend
You do not desire for this world and ugly end

Don’t worry, child
Don’t give in to apathy
A time to be still, a time to get up and fight till we’re all free

We are equals
We are on the same team
The enemy among us is not always as it seems

Pass through the fire
Pass through the storm
Dive in and dig through all the shit until you are reborn

Learn from the Father
Learn from the Earth
Learn from all who’ve gone before and those who gave you birth

Give thanks for the struggles
Give thanks for the relief
Give thanks to God in this moment and hold on to your belief

Areopagitica song

I wrote this song for my John Milton class Creative Project in response to Milton's Areopagitica, a treatise he wrote to the English Parliament in the mid 1600s insisting that they cease pre-publication censorship. He wasn't successful, but the work is very inspiring to me nonetheless. These are the points that stood out the most to me in lyric form, and since it's Milton, there are several mythological references too. ;) Maybe someday I'll get it up here with sound or video, but for now here are the words:

Verse 1:

Psyche sits sorting those various seeds
Venus’ jealous rage she must appease
Impossible to do in time on her own
But the little ants helped so she wasn’t alone
Another impossible task at our feet
To uproot all evil like tares from the wheat
Christ warned this task is not ours to do
Since it’s likely by accident we’ll kill the good too

Chorus:
I’ve got freedom to find my own place to stand
But my well-reasoned rocks, they keep turning to sand
I’m choosing for love’s sake to stay in God’s hands
Though I cannot see them and I don’t understand
The Spirit moves in me like the wind moves a leaf
But when seeking the Truth, there’s no lasting relief
These moments of clarity are often too brief
But the joy in the journey of life’s worth the grief
Yeah the joy in the journey of love’s worth the grief

Verse 2:
Proteus was a tricky shape-shifter
Spoke lies before bound and the truth only after
But Truth herself beats the strength of mankind
She’s a shape-shifter too, quite hard to define
You may think you’ve pinned her, but she’s pinning you
Every day is a chance to learn something new
You can’t judge another, just God sees the heart
And our virtue should never be threatened by art

Verse 3:
Truth like Osiris was mangled and torn
The sad friends of Truth like Isis do mourn
We search and we search for her pieces to find
But inevitably always some get left behind
Her dismembered body we want to make whole
The corpse resurrected, an embodied soul
We will keep seeking though the search will not end
Till Christ’s second coming, Truth’s fine form to mend

my life, whole